In literacy we've had to write a story and get a buddy to read it and give some feedback, Ava was my partner. What she said was that I had to add more writing into my story. This is my edited version of my story.
As Addie and Ava were flying through space, they had come across Bakaland, where all the silly bakas lived. They flew their chicken spaceship into Bakaland, but we noticed something smelly, like stinky sausages. Our nostrils closed up. Our eyebrows stuck together like glue.
We got our toothbrushes out and looked everywhere, high and low. We had come across a disgusting smell. We knew these buggers were close. We looked around a corner and noticed a spaceship full of those horrific creatures. THEY WERE NOT BAKAS IN BAKALAND!!
We ran straight towards the spaceship, they used their disgusting breath to attack us, because us bakas are clean, unlike them. #LOL. We had seen the light flash before our eyes, their breath was worse than falling from 200 buildings. Lawd have mercy on me, says Ava as she screams for help.
She started to open up her eyes, when they had fully opened up she noticed all the sausages were staring at her, you should’ve seen the disgusted look upon her face. She asked those long looking moldy sausages where that dreadful smell came from, she looked side to side, but she saw nothing. She took a deep breath and moved slightly, but she couldn't, considering she was stuck to a wooden chair. Time tickered. Still no sign of help, she became hopeless on finding a way to get free. But little did she know Addie was on a lookout for her.
Addie ran through the long roads, searching high and low, and couldn't see a single thing. Her face turned red, it had become harder for her to breathe, but she isn’t going to give up. Running felt like it was forever lasting, in that case it wasn’t. She had noticed something, Ava’s toothbrush, she cried and cried, until no more tears came flooding down her blood red face. She got up and got shot from behind with a water gun. It went straight through her heart and she passed out. But no one knows what happened to Ava.
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